Isn't heartburn for old people?

I remember when my mom would say that a particular food gives her heartburn. Green peppers, for example. What a wimp, I would think to myself.

Oh my god. Just yesterday, I experienced the ultimate in heartburn and accompanying chest pains. I seriously thought I was going to have to go to the Emergency Room. Rolaids did nothing to ease the pain - they weren't even placebos for my condition. So I started researching online for natural remedies. By now, from previous posts, you know that I live in a very rural place. Well, at 9:30pm, there ain't too much nearby in the line of pharamcies (unless you count the bootlegger, which I suppose, is a remedy for a lot of things in life)... anyways, I searched and found some suggestions on what to do to ease the pain - drink milk, eat pretzels, drink A&W root beer, and I even went so far as to drink Apple Cider Vinegar because some very obviously qualified individual on the World Wide Web told me it would work.

It went away finally. But not until 12 hours later.

Now today, I just have to deal with gas pains and the pains of being a woman.

I'm sooooooooooooo lucky to be alive though, right?!